My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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