Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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