I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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