the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize