so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
