Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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