after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize