we made out on top of his cat.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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