I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
