Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
