Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize