feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
