i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
