We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
