I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
