oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
