Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
