it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize