I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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