he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
handjob tips. give me some.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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