I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
