I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
