remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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