remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
