You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
