Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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