I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
