does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
