Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
