i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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