I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
