i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
