he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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