I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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