I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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