I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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