Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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