the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
