maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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