Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize