I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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