she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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