We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
