If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
