im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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