Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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