Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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