Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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