My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
