walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
