I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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