Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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