At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
