I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize