He asked to "fluff my boner.."
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
