he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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