so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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