I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
