so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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