dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize