I will die if light touches me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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