i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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