he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
