I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize