I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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