Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
